Walking Without Shoes

I have often wondered what my purpose on this planet really is. I have often followed realities in which I believed I was fulfilling that purpose only to wake up one day and realize I was walking in another man’s shoes. They say if you walk a mile in another man’s shoes you will understand him better. Well I suppose it is the same idea, walk a mile in the shoes of the identity you want to embody and you will embody it. I have walked a lot of miles in my lifetime wearing many a different shoe. Some have felt tight and uncomfortable even downright constricting. Others have felt featherweight barely keeping my feet upon the ground. Most have felt comfortable for a while, breaking them in were painful yet rewarding because they became more comfortable to wear. However, each pair I wore, whether I walked one mile or ten thousand eventually came off. One day I would wake up and they simply did not fit anymore, they fell apart, or they became so uncomfortable that I chose to never put them on again. But does there ever come a time when we find a shoe we love enough that we never take it off or better yet is there ever a time when we cast shoes off all together? Do we dig back into our psyche to that time when pitter patter little feet trod upon the earth sans shoe? Do we remember the sensation of cool bermuda grass under our toes, or squishy mud oozing around the edges as our feet sink beyond sight? Perhaps a warm sidewalk as we rush to jump into a refreshing swimming pool during the dog days of summer. Maybe we pause and think to ourselves, would walking those miles with our own bare feet on the ground feel more natural. Our authentic self supported by terra firma, the benevolent earth, grounding us into a more harmonious reality. Let me ask my feet?

Slowly I tune into them, close my eyes and allow each nerve ending to tell me its story. They are calling for the earth. A connection with their biological mother, a safety net that has no bounds. My toes curl and my arches contract then explosively they push out again. Feel me they say, I can take you anywhere. As if they were Dorothy’s magic slippers, I touch my heels and dig the tips of my toes into the floor below me drawing my calves and knees closer towards my upper body. I can fly too they say, while always keeping one toe grounded, so you will never loose your way. I draw the breath deep into my belly and feel the current of energy running from my head to my feet and back. I’m floating in space yet I am grounded into life at the same time. My feet are bare, exposed, and have said no to being in shoes that close and bind them for several weeks. They no longer want to walk the miles in another man’s shoes, the shoes of another identity. They can’t, they have revolted. The authentic self has revolted. It will not go around the wheel again. And so I ask them, where do you want to take me? And I sit back with my feet planted firmly on the floor and I listen?

I want to take you back so that I can take you forward they say. Let’s go back to the red dirt roads of your childhood, the sugar sand beaches, hot bicycle pedals after long swims. Do you remember what clover patches in summer feel like? How about standing in ditches filled with fresh rain or running through the squishy mud? Find the feeling, they tell me. Let the senses speak. Remember Mt. Shasta with snow beneath your soles? The hot sands of the Sonoran desert? The smooth stones of the Himalayas? The cooling sand on the shores of Mazunte? Standing barefoot in a classroom in Italy for an oral exam? Breathe into the sensations and remember. I am your connection to life. Through me energy flows between being and nonbeing, form and formless. I am the rock upon which you build your life. There are no shoes that can do what I do. I have walked enough miles in another’s shoes, I have played the roles from stilettos to flats and many in between. I don’t want to wear shoes anymore. I want to live my life barefoot.

I have walked enough miles in another man’s shoes, other aspects or identities of myself, that it is time to feel the earth beneath my feet once again. They haven’t all been spiritual shoes, thankfully. There has been a comprehensive closet of egos and aspects that were curated just for me to understand myself better. I cannot say that I completely understand myself and I hope I never fully do or my life will get very boring for that would mean I am static and not ever flowing and changing in accordance with my true nature. But after so many years of trying on the shoes from my closet I am the closest to an understanding as I need in this life to keep me content and spontaneous. I believe we walk those miles and we put on those other man’s shoes because we are searching for or believe we are fulfilling our purpose in life. Which really is one of the points or purposes to life until it isn’t. I mean if we do not try something how could we ever know if it was for us, right?

I wanted to write this today because I have been going through a huge transformation and I needed to write to bring it to a close. The reincarnation cycle that began last September is complete and was the final step in a long journey of transformation. I really cannot overstate the scale of this transformation because the last time I had one of this magnitude it changed my life forever. It was the transformation of my ascension journey that culminated in Sacred Marriage. The transformation I have been going through now is somewhat like my feet described to me today. It has taken me back so that it can take me forward. By taking me back, I mean bringing me back before the spiritual journey, before the spiritual ego formed, before the traumas of life that the spiritual journey helped to heal, back to the place I would have been if none of it had ever happened. The Divine Child state of being that we call our innocence. Back to the starting line of my life as a matured child leaving the nest. Back with a caveat, I still retain the wisdom of the journey so that I am not back exactly in the same time and space as before, it is a quantum leap to a new point within space while retaining the starting experience of that time when one leaves the nest and jumps head first into life. The difference is that from this point I am embodied and infused with the wisdom that had I had the first time around I would have flourished naturally. Like a flower that carries the right genetics will blossom and flourish in accordance with its organic nature.

Like the first journey, this journey of transformation has been incredibly challenging. Change is challenging for everyone no matter who we are. And this was no exception. One of the challenges that I faced and will share is in regards to the spiritual self. My life before my spiritual awakening was like so many humans today, filled with childhood traumas and lack of love. These created programs which filtered my reality into separation and perpetuating programs that fed the lack. So one can imagine the difference the light of spiritual enlightenment can bring into a life like that. It brought self love, it brought purpose, it was extremely challenging but it was also extremely rewarding. It also created a spiritual ego that morphed and changed with me along the journey. This is all a natural part of the process but it left me feeling I had this grand purpose to fulfill because I still needed to prove myself.

But there was another part of myself, one that felt there was more to my story than that and it began resurfacing a few years ago. As I moved through this current transformation, I was split between my spiritual self and an old version of my human self that still needed to be fulfilled. Following our analogy from this article we could say that I was wearing a stiletto on one foot and a work boot on the other and was trying to walk in opposite directions. One towards a purpose and the other away from that purpose with its own agenda. Jesus said you can’t serve two masters and that was a big lesson of this transformative period. The authentic self ebbs and flows with life, with our spiritual and human energy, our minds and hearts, doing and resting, etc. I was in conflict with myself because I was continuing to polarize and choose between the two. I tried serving them both the past year and it destroyed me energetically. I had to retreat from the world and nourish my authentic self and rebuild my strength to finally see clearly.

In the revelation and transformation I found clarity. I still needed a purpose because my inner child still needed to mature. I tried serving both my inner masters because they each represented one of my parents. Because my inner child was not mature (its own master) it still felt obligated to serve them both. The fact that they were separate and not in harmony meant I was trying in vain to serve two masters. Both masters were egos within me in competition, parents fighting for custody of me like when I was a child. Instead of two parents lovingly supporting my maturation, the separation of the two imparted good and bad traits that formed two different and competing self images within me. If my parents could not get along and so divorced, one can imagine what the two aspects of them inside me did to my own self image and energy. A healthy structure is a blending of the two parental images that would have allowed me to create my own third and individual self image. I realized that most of the duality I have experienced in my life both spiritually and nonspiritual has been a result of a split self image that was never merged into a third, Divine Child, individual uniqueness that was my birth right as a Creator. That part of myself that felt there was more to the story that began stirring a couple of years ago was that child wanting to be parented into maturity.

Through my ascension journey I had created the Divine Parents Christos and Sophia and I have used these aspects to mature my Divine Child. In essence I have parented my own inner child so that she has matured in a state of love without traumas or separation. This work has also brought my spiritual and human aspects into harmony allowing me to “go back so that I can go forward”. My spiritual essence flows in support of my human essence and in return my human essence feeds back this support to my spiritual essence. They work in harmony as loving parents to support a blended version of the two into ONE Authentic Self image. A self image that goes beyond the unification of the two so that the distinction between Divine and human, mother and father fade away into an authentic individual self that is able to flourish and organically fulfill its purpose of simply living.

My feet slipped on many shoes in my life that allowed me to walk in another shoes, templates for how not to live or how to live in accordance with my true nature. They were purposes that I needed to fulfill to have this amazing experience of learning my true power and potential as consciousness. My gratitude for this life and my experiences could never be sufficiently expressed in words. I feel a grounded maturation that runs deep within my whole experience and expression of being. Through all energy centers of my body and from the farthest stars to the core of Gaia. My feet are planted firmly on this earth and all energies course through me in harmony grounding me into this life experience. I believe these feet of mine have a purpose, it is the same purpose that everything in our universe has, and that is to flourish while we have our place under the sun. Just as each flower takes it place upon the stage and organically dances to the choreography of life as it flourishes, withers, and returns in a new form to continue the dance that never ends. So to will I. Free of the binding traumas of this world, free of the bonds of the eternal world, free of the purposes that keep me walking in another’s shoes. With a new starting point in life, I will set out barefoot, grounded into the very earth that makes up my bones, and I will allow my life to flourish organically and naturally as it would have all along if I had known then what I know now.

My life was wonderful living as Sophia the ascended spiritual being. I was a powerful Creator, full of light, and at peace without any purpose except being. Yet, my heart nudged me to return deeper to find even more treasure within me. I surrendered and took the plunge back into chaos, pain, and suffering and the realm of spiritual egos and their purposes. Although easier this time because many life traumas were cleared there were still more years of work ahead that would reveal even more love, more peace, and more power to create within my reality. I had to go back to go forward and I am grateful for the journey to heal and mature my inner child! And that is the magic of living our full potential as a quantum creator incarnated. We are time benders, quantum creators and coders of time and space. This Divine Human experience is our birth right. No matter when we claim it in our lifetime it exists and it is there for us when we ask to wake up and to remember. Thirteen years ago, ironically sitting with my bare feet plunged into the grass, I asked. And I am living proof of what the answer can bring when we are sincere seekers of our true nature of being.

Here is a song that has meant different things to me while wearing different shoes in my life. It came into my head while I was writing this article. Today, I find it most applies when listening to it barefoot!